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   Old Thread  #1635 3 May 2013 at 4.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I shaved my wife's pubic region this morning to resemble Hitler's mustache.

I call it "The Clitler"
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   Old Thread  #1634 3 May 2013 at 3.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Anal after Mexican food is like oral from a dragon.
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   Old Thread  #1633 3 May 2013 at 10.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last night,the presenter on a charity advert said,"Pick up your phone and pledge."
I'm still sitting here,with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next.
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   Old Thread  #1632 3 May 2013 at 10.44am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1631
The Metropolitan Police are baffled after authorities at Wembley opened the stadium this morning to discover that 70,000 seats had towels on them.
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   Old Thread  #1631 3 May 2013 at 10.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1630 3 May 2013 at 10.29am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for THUMBTACKS.In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
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   Old Thread  #1629 3 May 2013 at 6.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1624
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   Old Thread  #1628 2 May 2013 at 9.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1627 2 May 2013 at 9.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was sad to hear that Audley Harrison has hung up his gloves........he could have sold them on ebay as nearly new.
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   Old Thread  #1626 2 May 2013 at 11.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1625 2 May 2013 at 10.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in Ikea with my wife yesterday and she asked "What's beech wood"

I smiled and said "Remember when we were in Spain and you were playing in the sand and wearing that bikini?"

"Ohhh...yeah.." she said, giggling.

"Yeah, it's what I would have got that day if you were'nt fat".
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   Old Thread  #1624 1 May 2013 at 9.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
my wife took two hours to get ready to go out last night.
she came downstairs and said " how do i look"
like a film star i replied
oh , really , which one?
i said ****ing lassie
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   Old Thread  #1623 1 May 2013 at 9.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1618
after a 10 game ban , he'll probbably die of starvation
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   Old Thread  #1622 1 May 2013 at 1.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My daughter went out on her first date yesterday, and I asked her how it went.

"Oh my god!" she said, "He was minging."

"In what way?" I said.

"He had greasy hair, manky teeth and really stinky breath."

"You never know, he might've been a really nice bloke," I replied.

"I know," she said, "But my standards are a lot higher than mum's were."
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   Old Thread  #1621 30 Apr 2013 at 7.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1620
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