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   Old Thread  #1641 4 May 2013 at 7.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1640 4 May 2013 at 4.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1639 4 May 2013 at 4.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised.

"What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?" I enquired.

"No..." he said, "... hurdles."
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   Old Thread  #1638 4 May 2013 at 2.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1637 4 May 2013 at 1.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man goes on holiday to Barcelona and decides to go for a meal in town. A fancy bistro catches his eye so he walks in and orders paella.

Whilst he's waiting he spots his waiter serving a man's meal. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.

"Excuse me señor" he says to the waiter just before he walks past his table. "That dish you served to the gentleman over there, what is it?"

"Ahh, that señor is our most popular dish. The bulls testicles"

"Really?" the man says in a surprised manor. "It looks and smells great! Is it too late to change my order?"

"No it is not señor but I'm afraid you cannot have the bulls testicles"

"Why not?"

"There is only one bull fight a day señor so only one meal can be ordered a day. If you come back early tomorrow you can order it then"

The man is disappointed and so he has his meal, goes back to his hotel and comes back the next day. First one through the door and orders the testicles.

After a short wait his meal arrives. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.

He tucks in and is amazed at the unbelievable taste and texture of what he thinks is by far the best thing he has ever eaten.

After finishing, the waiter comes over.

"How was it señor? You like?"

"That was the best thing I've ever eaten but I just had one slight issue"

"Yes señor?"

"Well, the dish you gave to the gentleman yesterday, the testicles on his plate seemed bigger than mine"

"Ahh señor, sometimes the bull wins"
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   Old Thread  #1636 4 May 2013 at 6.56am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1635 3 May 2013 at 4.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I shaved my wife's pubic region this morning to resemble Hitler's mustache.

I call it "The Clitler"
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   Old Thread  #1634 3 May 2013 at 3.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Anal after Mexican food is like oral from a dragon.
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   Old Thread  #1633 3 May 2013 at 10.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last night,the presenter on a charity advert said,"Pick up your phone and pledge."
I'm still sitting here,with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next.
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   Old Thread  #1632 3 May 2013 at 10.44am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The Metropolitan Police are baffled after authorities at Wembley opened the stadium this morning to discover that 70,000 seats had towels on them.
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   Old Thread  #1631 3 May 2013 at 10.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1630 3 May 2013 at 10.29am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for THUMBTACKS.In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
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   Old Thread  #1629 3 May 2013 at 6.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1628 2 May 2013 at 9.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1627 2 May 2013 at 9.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was sad to hear that Audley Harrison has hung up his gloves........he could have sold them on ebay as nearly new.
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