I said to the wife, "will you take it up the @rse?""You're f..king sick you are" she screamed."A lot of blokes ask their wives that" I said."Not when they're holding a fire extinguisher" she said
I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.
She said to me, "Have you got a nickname?"
l said, "Yes, my mates call me 'the sledge.'
"She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride?"
l said, "No, it's because l always get pulled by fcuking dogs!!"
She said to me, "Have you got a nickname?"
l said, "Yes, my mates call me 'the sledge.'
"She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride?"
l said, "No, it's because l always get pulled by fcuking dogs!!"
"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old.
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son.
When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son.
When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."
In reply to Post #688
In reply to Post #684
I was telling the lads in the pub about all the sex I'd been having with a Thai woman.
"We've been shagging non-stop for a month," I bragged.
One lad said, "She must've had her period at some point..."
I winked and said, "We don't have that problem."
They looked disgusted and said, "Is she a ladyboy?"
I said, "No. She's 85."
"We've been shagging non-stop for a month," I bragged.
One lad said, "She must've had her period at some point..."
I winked and said, "We don't have that problem."
They looked disgusted and said, "Is she a ladyboy?"
I said, "No. She's 85."
In reply to Post #688
In reply to Post #688
Its been confirmed that the coin that struck Rio Ferdinand was actually a Euro,
as Man city fans no longer have any need for them.
as Man city fans no longer have any need for them.
RIP. SIR PATRICK MOORE
The man was a genius of an astronomer but even he couldn't figure out what them 3 f--king stars on man city's shirt mean.
The man was a genius of an astronomer but even he couldn't figure out what them 3 f--king stars on man city's shirt mean.
What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature?....
Nurses can take a temperature.
Nurses can take a temperature.
In reply to Post #697
I tried having sex with my mum whilst I was drunk last night.
She pushed me off and said, "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm really sorry," I replied, as I sat on the edge of the bed, "It must be the alcohol."
"Either that or you don't fancy me anymore." she said, slapping my flaccid penis.
She pushed me off and said, "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm really sorry," I replied, as I sat on the edge of the bed, "It must be the alcohol."
"Either that or you don't fancy me anymore." she said, slapping my flaccid penis.
Dear Deirdre,my boyfriends a right dick!He told me the best cure for constipation was anal sex.I didn't believe him but after some persuasion he talked me into it and shagged me up the ar$e really hard. He's just rung me this morning saying he wants to try it again as he's still constipated.What should i do? A.Blonde essex
Breaking News.Nurse Jacintha Sadanas has turned up safe and well .In a phone call to an Australian radio broadcaster she said "Beat that for a f--king wind up"