|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1
Q. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus ?.
A. Your wIfe will always "blow" your bonus!!
Tel
|
|
|
|
All the following spoken in a west country farmers voice
Farmer Brown!
Yes farmer piles Giles
I hear you have a very rare pig, the same as me,
That's right I do, why do you ask?
If we get them together to mate, their offspring will earn us a fortune,
Right, mine is a male so to conserve his energy for the boncking session you bring your girl over to my farm in the morning
farmer Giles put her in a wheel barrow and off they go,
the deed was done
next morning
is she up the duff?
how do I tell?
she will be laying on her back with two feet in the air.
Oh no she's standing.
ok bring her back in the morning.
this go's on for a week
on the last day
is she laying on her back.....
No!
what's she doing
she's in the wheel barrow with a big grin on her face.
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1
What's the difference between a hippo and Zippo?
One's a heavyweight, the other is a little lighter 
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I’m six-foot tall, 14-stone blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The woman to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.”
“Now seriously, Mister, do you still want to tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
“No …. not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times”.
|
|
|
|
An East London girl runs home to mum crying , mum asks what's the matter?
My new boyfriend says I've got East end tits and West end hips,
Don't worry about that your dad had a Whopping cock and a Barking arse and we're still together
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1
Dear Agony Aunt:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job 15 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot pool with his buddies and has sex with hookers while I work so hard to pay our bills.
Since our daughter went away to college and then got married; he doesn't even pretend to like me, and hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States!
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2416
What do you call a man with no shins................................................
Tony!!!!
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2415
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Tony Blair
3. Robert Mugabe
4. Jeremy Corbyn
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Sepp Blatter
You had trouble with #5.......Typical, you know the criminals, murderers,
thieves, sluts, liars and cheats, but you don’t know the Pope!
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2414
What weighs 18 stone and rides a Derby winner.
Adam johnsons soon to be cell mate
|
|
|
|
|
My mate , who is dyslexic is on a new water , he's just text me that he's had a 23lb Crap
|
|
|
|
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street.
He asked her name.
'Polo, I'm the one with the hole,' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts,' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But 3 days later his Sherbet Dip started to itch.....
turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who had Allsorts
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2411
Yes about 30 years ago 
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2410
did you tell them the one about 6 legs as well???
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #2397
According to tetley the way to make the perfect Cuppa is to agitate the bag , so every morning I slap her Arse and say , two sugars fatty
Just told that to the blokes at work.
They're still laughing 
|
|
|
|
A prisoner in a British jail has been caught with 4 mobile phones up his arse.
After struggling to squeeze them out,his ringtone changed.
|
|
