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A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.
"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.
"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.
"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a pr1ck in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
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My daughter's lisp really winds me up.
Thought we were going to watch the Eurovision Thong Contest.
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"You know something love.." I said to the wife, "I'm that ****ing bored, I'm even thinking of decorating this living room."
"Well what about THIS for an idea?" She replied, ripping off her knickers and throwing them over the back of the sofa.
"That seems like an excellent idea." I told her.
"It'll stop me getting paint on the cushions."
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In reply to Post #1730
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In reply to Post #1737
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A Bangladeshi woman has been pulled out of the rubble after 17 days trapped in the factory..............Primark have questioned her overtime sheet!
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After Angelina Jolie's actions to prevent cancer a lot of celebrities have copied her.
Like Susan Boyle,who's had her testicles removed
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My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.
"********" l said "l didn't even know it was your birthday
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In reply to Post #1730
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In reply to Post #1732
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A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. The pain was so intense that the decided to return to the clubhouse for help.
Her pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she replied.
"Where?" He asked.
She said, "Between the first and second hole."
He nodded knowingly and said, "Your stance is too wide."
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Heard some moaning coming from upstairs as I walked in from work today, so ran up to the bedroom to investigate. I opened the door to find my wife naked on the bed, four fingers jammed up her sopping hole.
As she saw me stood there, she put on a real show for me and brought herself to a noisy, wet orgasm before my eyes.
"So what would you like me to do for you now, baby?" She asked, as she got her breath back.
"Change the ****ing duvet?"
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An old lady came into my Vet Surgery earlier with her Bull Mastif.
"Could you help me?" She asked, "Everytime I get down on my hands and knees to clean the floors, my Freddy mounts me and frantically humps me, which can be very painful!"
"Would you like me to castrate him?" I asked.
"No thank you," she replied, "Could you cut his toenails please?"
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In reply to Post #1725
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In reply to Post #1722
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