The government has declared that a ‘scotch egg' will count as a substantial meal during Tier 2 and 3 lockdowns, following a sizeable donation to the Tory party by a mysterious Scotch Egg oligarch.
The unidentified businessman is one of a handful of shady characters who are said to control 95% of the Scotch Egg industry across Europe.
Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “I don't think it's any coincidence that the government has made the Scotch Egg the nation's go-to pub snack just days after a massive donation from these people.
“Politics is rife with corruption, and there is no industry more corrupt than the Scotch Egg producers. You do not want to cross them, those that do often find themselves minced and squashed around a hard-boiled egg. I'm risking everything by calling them out in public like this.”
Meanwhile, government officials have completely rejected suggestions that the policy change has anything to do with how much money someone has donated to the party.
A Downing Street official told us, “People will always make accusations of corruption whenever they see a business doing well, and just because loads of our friends and donors have become overnight multi-millionaires off the back of a few lucrative PPE contracts, doesn't mean we're going to start doing favours in return for party donations.
“But I will say this; if the Cornish Pasty industry wants its leading product to be recognised as a substantial meal during the lockdown, my door, and my party's bank account, are always open.”
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The unidentified businessman is one of a handful of shady characters who are said to control 95% of the Scotch Egg industry across Europe.
Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “I don't think it's any coincidence that the government has made the Scotch Egg the nation's go-to pub snack just days after a massive donation from these people.
“Politics is rife with corruption, and there is no industry more corrupt than the Scotch Egg producers. You do not want to cross them, those that do often find themselves minced and squashed around a hard-boiled egg. I'm risking everything by calling them out in public like this.”
Meanwhile, government officials have completely rejected suggestions that the policy change has anything to do with how much money someone has donated to the party.
A Downing Street official told us, “People will always make accusations of corruption whenever they see a business doing well, and just because loads of our friends and donors have become overnight multi-millionaires off the back of a few lucrative PPE contracts, doesn't mean we're going to start doing favours in return for party donations.
“But I will say this; if the Cornish Pasty industry wants its leading product to be recognised as a substantial meal during the lockdown, my door, and my party's bank account, are always open.”
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In reply to Post #1411
I can already hear the farage supporters complaining about 'foreign food' ...
I can already hear the farage supporters complaining about 'foreign food' ...
Vaccine all ready to go........Enjoy people...... 
In reply to Post #1413
If it means we can start getting back to normal they can pump me full of sheeps piss.
If it means we can start getting back to normal they can pump me full of sheeps piss.
In reply to Post #1414
More chance of sheep piss as it doesn't have to be stored at -70
More chance of sheep piss as it doesn't have to be stored at -70
Gavin Williamson .... FFS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdnUlgbVCo8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdnUlgbVCo8
In reply to Post #1416
FFS ... is that what grades he got at A level?
It might explain why he has no idea when it comes to the education system. ...
FFS ... is that what grades he got at A level?
It might explain why he has no idea when it comes to the education system. ...
In reply to Post #1417
You two seem shocked.
What did you expect him to say?
You two seem shocked.
What did you expect him to say?
In reply to Post #1418
That the great vaccine news was the result of a global effort which involved German scientists, an American pharma giant, Belgian manufacturers and the British licensing authority, that would have been useless without the first 3?
Or just anything that doesn't make every other country fall about laughing and pointing, asking 'and this bloke's a cabinet minister, really?'
That the great vaccine news was the result of a global effort which involved German scientists, an American pharma giant, Belgian manufacturers and the British licensing authority, that would have been useless without the first 3?
Or just anything that doesn't make every other country fall about laughing and pointing, asking 'and this bloke's a cabinet minister, really?'
In reply to Post #1419
I understand what you're getting at but the question was a Brexit question (which he unsurprisingly avoided) and not who do we thank for the vaccine.
I understand what you're getting at but the question was a Brexit question (which he unsurprisingly avoided) and not who do we thank for the vaccine.
In reply to Post #1419
While it was a bit crass, had he waited a month or so we may well have had our own vaccine that negates transport issues, will be available in bigger volumes and costs a pittance in comparison to the Pfizer offering.
Surely we can blow the national trumpet when that happens?
I was listening to it in the morning though and thought at the time ‘my god, what a bell end'
While it was a bit crass, had he waited a month or so we may well have had our own vaccine that negates transport issues, will be available in bigger volumes and costs a pittance in comparison to the Pfizer offering.
Surely we can blow the national trumpet when that happens?
I was listening to it in the morning though and thought at the time ‘my god, what a bell end'
In reply to Post #1420
Since when has the question had any influence on a politician's answer?
Since when has the question had any influence on a politician's answer?
In reply to Post #1421
That speech is the cherry on top of the tory "bell end " covid response cake
That speech is the cherry on top of the tory "bell end " covid response cake
In reply to Post #1423
Yet again they jump in and self promote with world beating, Blah Blah Blah, the MSM will be waiting for the first person who has the vaccine to have a headache, toothache or the runs, so they can slam it and the anti vaxxers will be straight on it1
The Americans won't certify it until Trump has gone (Jan 2021) and Europe will wait to announce it as one.
Hopefully the more usable and deliverable Oxford/Astrazeneca wont far behind and being not for profit so won't sit well with America!
Yet again they jump in and self promote with world beating, Blah Blah Blah, the MSM will be waiting for the first person who has the vaccine to have a headache, toothache or the runs, so they can slam it and the anti vaxxers will be straight on it1
The Americans won't certify it until Trump has gone (Jan 2021) and Europe will wait to announce it as one.
Hopefully the more usable and deliverable Oxford/Astrazeneca wont far behind and being not for profit so won't sit well with America!
In reply to Post #1421
It was awful. Childish really. The sort of thing that gets you hated at school. Thank God for America right now. Taking a bit of the focus away from our godawful populism
It was awful. Childish really. The sort of thing that gets you hated at school. Thank God for America right now. Taking a bit of the focus away from our godawful populism