One day, a husband exclaims to his wife, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"

Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

I came home from work tonight and the missus says "can I have £5000."
What for I ask her.
She says I want it for a boob job.
You don't need £5000 I said, all you need is a bit of toilet roll. Rub it in between your boobs twice a day and your boobs will be enormous.
Really, she said.

Of course, look what it's done for your arse.

Mick says to Paddy "why did you name your dogs Rolex & Timex"?
Paddy replied coz there're watch dogs

Donald trump goes to the hospital for a circumcision. The doctor says I can not operate on this man, There's no end to this p#@ck!!

In reply to Post #2574



Teacher. OK class, when we visited the farm today can you tell me what sounds we heard.

Sarah. I heard Bah Bah.

James. I heard snort snort.

Billy. I heard "get off that f****** tractor"
.

In reply to Post #2575
It's hard to find any good chemistry jokes anymore
All the best Argon

In reply to Post #2576

Tel

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

In reply to Post #2578

In reply to Post #2577
Bill & Ben lying in bed.
Bill says "Flibber, flobba, flibber flobba"
Ben says "If you loved me, you'd swallow that"

guy goes into the clinic says "I've got a strawberry up my arse" Doc says I've got some cream for that.

In reply to Post #1
A friend's wife asked him what he was doing today.
“Nothing planned” was his reply.
She then reminded him that he had done nothing the previous day.
Quick as a flash he came back with.
“I know. I haven't finished yet”

Tel

In reply to Post #1
A priest was called to perform an exorcism on a chicken coop.
He managed to rid it of a poultrygeist.

Tel

In reply to Post #1
I arrived at the bus stop the other day to find a rather plump lady waiting.
"When's it due"? I asked.
"I'm not pregnant you cheeky git" she replied.
"I meant the bus you fat c*nt" I said.

In reply to Post #1
My therapist told me that a good way to let go of my anger was to write letters to the people I hate and to burn them.

I did that, and the hereapists suggestion was right, I do feel a lot better.

But now I am wondering if I should I keep the letters?


Tel